Dude, Where's My Dad's Car?
by HyperKat
Summary: After a night of severe partying, our favorite trouble makers, George, Fred & Lee, must look for Lee's dad's car, so they can look at it. O.O And look at it....O.O IT BURNS!!!!!!!! (please r/r) ((hehe..Snape's in a thong...))
1. Dude, Where's My Dad's Car?

Dude, Where's Your Dad's Car?  
  
Disclaimer- The characters arent mine.except for Lee, he is ALL mine! *goes off to snog with Lee* The original idea is, DUH, from the movie "Dude, Where My Car?" but I have remastered it and made it better by adding Fred, George, Lee, some O/P slash and Mac, the Macaroni Man.  
  
Warning- Oliver/Percy SLASH. Don't like it, don't read it. That's the policy.  
  
Chapter 1- Dude..  
  
Lee, sleeping wearing only half on, half off boxers- Oh yeah, baby, that's-  
  
Author- O.O Ah, the simple pleasures of life. *goggles at Lee's goodies*  
  
Lee- the spot, right there, m-hmm.  
  
George- Hehe.This'll wake him up for sure.  
  
Fred- Shh!  
  
Fred and George lifted the fish tank up over the sleeping Lee Jordan's head.  
  
Lee- That's it baby, I like it, you know I do-  
  
Fred- Who do you reckon he's dreaming about?  
  
George- Probably Filch and Angelina.  
  
Fred- At the same time?! Weak.  
  
Then they dumped it over Lee.  
  
Lee, still asleep- Mm, Filch, was that you? Hmm, musta been me.  
  
Fred- Aw, sick.  
  
George- Why didn't he wake up?  
  
Fred- Maybe he created an immunity to water.  
  
George- He's not smart enough to do that.  
  
Fred kicks Lee.  
  
Lee flutters his eyes open- Ow, what was that for?  
  
Fred- Oh, sorry, didn't mean to disturb you and Filch. *snickers*  
  
Lee- O.O Um, I have to go, um, something suddenly came up. *runs away to his room*  
  
Later, after they're all dressed.  
  
Lee- Man, that was some party we had last night.  
  
He looked around and saw McDonalds wrappers, paper, cups and trash strewn across the floor.  
  
Fred- Yeah, your parents should suddenly die of a severe case of poison ivy more often.  
  
Lee- Yeah.  
  
George- Does anyone actually remember what happened last night?  
  
Crickets Chirp.  
  
Lee- All I remember is you getting a little busy with the pizza delivery guy, George.  
  
George- No, that was Fred.  
  
Lee- Really?  
  
Fred beams.  
  
Lee- Hey, what's this?  
  
Lee pulls a video tape out of the twin's bag.  
  
Fred grins- That, my friend, is a tape we planted in Percy's room. We wanted to see what kind of stuff he was up to, spending all his time in there like a robot, and the night we planted it, we heard some stuff coming out of Percy's room.  
  
Lee- Have you looked at it yet?  
  
George- No, but were about to.  
  
He popped it in Lee's VCR and the tv flickered on.  
  
On the television-  
  
Percy runs around his room frantically, appears to be looking for something. He sighs deeply as he picks up a long brunette wig from the bottom of his dresser.  
  
(Lee, George & Fred- 0.o?)  
  
There's a tap on his window.  
  
"Hold on a second!" Percy whispers and hurriedly puts the wig and some lipstick on.  
  
(Lee, George & Fred- 0.o?)  
  
Percy then runs to the window and opens it, and who comes in, but-  
  
"Oh, Oliver, Im so glad you could make it!" Percy shrieked.  
  
(Lee, George & Fred- 0.0!!!!!!!!!)  
  
"How could you have found the time to get here with such a busy schedule?" Percy asked.  
  
"I would give up my broomstick for you, doll face." Oliver said dreamily.  
  
"Would you give up quidditch for me, too?"  
  
There was a long pause.  
  
"As I said, I'd give up my broomstick for you."  
  
They immediately start snogging and the snogging leads to some really graphic stuff. So graphic, I wouldn't be able to keep the rating R, let alone PG 13, so I won't talk about it. I think you get the picture.  
  
After about a half hour, the tape runs out of film.  
  
Lee, George and Fred- :o  
  
George- My dear lord.  
  
Lee- It burns!!!!! *rubs his eyes insanely*  
  
Fred- Make it stop! *tries to erase his memory*  
  
Later that day-  
  
Lee, George and Fred walk out of the house.  
  
George- That was sick. I knew Perce was kind of disturbed, but that was freaky!  
  
Fred- Yeah, no wonder Wood was always so easy on us!  
  
George- Wood was never easy on us.  
  
Fred- Oh yeah.  
  
Lee- I never want to see anything like that- EVER- again.  
  
They all pause.  
  
George- Dude, where's your dad's car???  
  
Lee looks around- Dude, I don't know.  
  
Fred- Where's your dad's car, dude?  
  
Lee shrugs- I don't know, dude.  
  
George- Where's your dad's car, dude?  
  
Lee- I DONT KNOW, OKAY?! It was there last night.. wasn't it?  
  
George and Fred shrug.  
  
George- Well, lets not waste our time here.  
  
Some guy falls from the roof of Lee's house.  
  
Fred- Yeah, lets go trash our house.  
  
Lee- Okay.  
  
Later, after they have apparated to the Weasley's house.  
  
Pixel- What? They can't apparate!  
  
Author- Of course they can, you silly girl.  
  
Pixel- Bu-  
  
Author- On with the story!  
  
George Fred and Lee walk into the house, where a rabid monkey is terrorizing the house to shreds.  
  
Percy- NOOO! I must maintain order!  
  
Lee gets a vision of Percy- Ack! It burns! *rubs his eyes*  
  
Percy spots the 3- Ah, its about time you 3 showed up. Ive been waiting for you.  
  
Fred snickers and George smirks.  
  
Percy- What's so funny?  
  
Fred- Oh, nothing.  
  
George straightens up- Hey, um, Perc, we can't find Lee's dad's car. What do you think we should do?  
  
Perc- Well, its about time you started asking for my opinion.  
  
Lee- O.O We don't want ALL of your opinions.just the one about the car.  
  
Perc- Yeah, well. If you ask me, I think you'd better-  
  
Fred- So, youre saying we should go on a road trip to find the car and along the way meet many strange people and risk getting mugged and have all 3 of us find the love of our lives? Oh, great plan Percy. *sarcastic*  
  
Perc- No, that's not what I was going to say at all, I was saying-  
  
George- Question! What are we going to take the road trip in? We don't have the car!  
  
Perc- Will you listen to me? Im just-  
  
Lee- We never should have asked your opinion, your such a git!  
  
Perc storms off and leaves- : -(  
  
George- Come to think of it, a road trip may not be such a bad idea.  
  
Fred- Your right. But how would we go?  
  
Lee- Duh, use your dad's muggle car!  
  
George- Oi corro! ((So smart!))  
  
Fred- Sukena! ((Sweet!))  
  
Lee- Mushi! Mai mai len tu biesco en su len len de hauro!!! ((Dude!!!)))  
  
As the brainless buddies prepared for they're big trip, an author sat at home, feeling the cold chill of failure run down her spine.  
  
Author- Well, there it is. Chapter one. I'm so proud!  
  
Lee- Hey, baby cakes, whats up?  
  
Author- Don't talk to me! I know the whole dream about that Filch you were having!  
  
Lee- What? How did you find out?!  
  
Author- How did I find out? How did I find out?! I invented it, you numbskull! Mushi! Mai mai len tu biesco en su len len de hauro!!! You are a sucky boyfriend!!!!!!  
  
Crickets chirp  
  
Lee- But how do you REALLY feel???  
  
Author- RRRR! *whacks Lee with a broomstick*  
  
!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!  
  
Please R/R! If I get enough reviews on this, I might add another story where Lee is not a perverted butt munch who digs on Filch and actually gets the girl. MWAHAHA! PLEASE R/R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Im feeling really desperate for reviews! Check out mah other stories too, please.  
  
Chapter 2 soon to come (?)!!!!! 


	2. Snape and the Multi Colored Dream Thong

Dude, Where's My Dad's Car???  
  
Chapter 2!!!!!  
  
Disclaimer or whatever it's called- I do not own Harry Potter. Fanfic writer Saria Black owns the whole multi-colored thong thing. I um, ALSO don't own the Spice Girl's or their song, or Sisqo or his song. Even though I would kinda like to own Sisqo..*drool* And, erm.the Whenever, Wherever..Small Breast song is Shakira's. Teehee.. But I DO own this nifty little toy tractor!!!  
  
Weehoo! *plays with the tractor*  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Hello!!!!! XD For those of you who've read the first chapter, welcome back! For those of you who didn't, you'd better go and read it before it's too late. And for those of you who are just here to skim over my writing and flame it up, SCREW YOU, TOO! Hehe, had a bad first couple days of school and I'm kinda p-oed that I'm not getting a whole lot of reviews. Maybe its my summaries....? Dunno. Well, here it is- P.S. Thanks to Saria Black and everyone else for reviewing!!!! ((Im using that multi-colored thong-thing, Saria. *evil grin*))  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Chapter 2- Snape and the Multi-Colored Dream Thong -  
  
Fred, George and Lee walk out to the sidewalk where some guys convertible is sitting.  
  
Lee- Dude, how do we start it up?  
  
George- I heard about something called hot wiring from my American pen pal.  
  
American Pen Pal- *EVIL LAUGH*  
  
Fred- Well, why not?? *hits the car with a hot wire*  
  
The car starts up.  
  
Fred, George & Lee- SUKENA!!! ((sweet))  
  
They all hop in and Fred starts driving.  
  
George- Hey, where are we going?  
  
Fred- Don't know. Don't care.  
  
Lee- Well, then how do we find the car?  
  
Fred- Well, you see, as we ride along this twisted road the hot sun will surely set in on us as we make our voyage across open plains. Hardships and struggles we will overcome, but all in all, we stay forever true to our-  
  
George snatches the Hallmark card out of his hand.  
  
George- :-(  
  
Fred- :-(  
  
George- Get it? Got it? Doubt it.  
  
Lee- Err.  
  
They drive along, silent for about 59 minutes and 32 and a quarter seconds LESS than an hour.  
  
Lee- Turn some music on, man.  
  
Fred pops on the radio, and guess who it is, except..  
  
Lee- UGH! It's the Spice Girls!  
  
George immediately starts belting out lyrics- **************If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends,  
  
Make it last forever friendship never ends,  
  
If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give,  
  
Taking is too easy, but that's the way it is.**************  
  
Fred & Lee- 0.o  
  
George poses seductively and lays on top of Lee- ****************What do you think about that, now you know how I feel,  
  
Say you can handle my love, are you for real,  
  
I won't be hasty, I'll give you a try,  
  
If you really bug me then I'll say goodbye.*************  
  
Lee- O.O  
  
Fred changes the station.  
  
George- :-(  
  
Fred- Aw, Lee! Its OUR song!  
  
Lee- *gasp* Your SO right!  
  
Fred & Lee- *********Ooh dat dress so scandalous And ya know another ----- couldn't handle it See ya shakin that thang like who's da ish With a look in ya eye so devilish Uh Ya like to dance at all the hip hop spots And ya cruise to the crews like connect da dots Not just urban she likes the pop Cuz she was livin la vida loca ********  
  
George- 0.o  
  
Fred & Lee- **********She had dumps like a truck truck truck Thighs like what what what Baby move your butt butt butt Uh I think to sing it again She had dumps like a truck truck truck Thighs like what what what All night long Let me see that thong!!!!!!!! ***********  
  
George turns the music off.  
  
George- Probably better not to listen to music right now.  
  
Fred nods, then points to some person with a cloak covering their head pulling their robes up over their leg.  
  
Fred- Who's that?  
  
George shrugs- Stop and find out.  
  
Fred- I dunno, their legs are kinda hairy.  
  
Lee- It's okay, we can do hair. Hair is do-able.  
  
Fred shrugs and stops in front of the stranger, who does some poses and hops into the back seat beside Lee.  
  
Fred keeps driving.  
  
Fred- So, uh- Who are you?  
  
Stranger- ...  
  
George- Oh, that's nice.  
  
Stranger-...  
  
Lee- Do we know you?  
  
Stranger, in a horribly recognize-able voice- Well, you'd better.  
  
Fred screeches to a halt and looks behind his seat with a stern look on his face.  
  
Lee and George are in shock.  
  
Fred- Professor Snape, what in hell are you doing here?  
  
Snape- Um, I'm not Snape.  
  
George- Oh, you're Snape. *glares*  
  
Lee rips off the guy's cloak and reveals nothing but Snape- in a multi- colored dream thong.  
  
Fred, George-AAAAHHH!  
  
Lee-IT BURNS!!!!!!!!!  
  
Snape grabs the cloak back and throws it over his head- Um, I'm not Snape.  
  
Fred- You lier!  
  
George- Rrrrr..we need to get "Author" and "Chloe" in here. *evil grin*  
  
Snape- Who?  
  
Fred- Oooooh, "Author" and "Chloe", huh?  
  
Lee- Yeah..HEY "AUTHOR" AND "CHLOE"!!!!  
  
Some author with her little sister Chloe pops up.  
  
Author- Yeeeeess???  
  
Fred- Author, would you please be so kind as to take Professor Snape to the... "other" story? *evil grin*  
  
Author- "Other" story, eh? Chloe.  
  
Chloe- YES?!  
  
Author- Please take Professor Snape to the "other" story. *evil grin*  
  
Snape- 0.o Um, *evil grin*  
  
Chloe-"Other story.mwahahaha!! Okie dokie. *WHAM POW* *drags the unconscious Snape to the "other" story*  
  
Author- Hehehe.. *walks away trailing Chloe*  
  
Fred- Okay, lets go. *tries to start the car* Aw, come on. George, go get the hot wire from the trunk.  
  
George hops out and opens the trunk.  
  
George- AH! *falls down and the trunk sloooooowly closes*  
  
Lee & Fred- 0.o  
  
Fred and Lee hop out and open the trunk, where Harry and Ron are squished in.  
  
Lee & Fred- 0.o  
  
George-x.x  
  
Harry & Ron- .  
  
Kat- ^.^ Hehehe. ^.^  
  
Fred- OI! What are you two doing here?  
  
Harry- . We're not here...  
  
Lee- Yes you are!  
  
Ron- . No we're not.. *sloooooowly closes the trunk*  
  
Fred and Lee shrug.  
  
Lee drags George over to the car and tosses him in and he and Fred climb into the front and drive off.  
  
George moans- Ugh, what happened.  
  
Snape, who suddenly appears next to him in a multi-colored dream thong- You got knocked out.  
  
Fred, George and Lee- AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!  
  
The car skids to a stop and they throw Snape out.  
  
Theyre all quite disturbed looking as they drive along.  
  
Lee- OI! STOP THE CAR, FRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
He screeches the car to a halt.  
  
Fred- Now what?  
  
Lee points, smiling like a fool, to Hermione, standing on the side of the road in butt-huggers and a halter top.  
  
Lee- Need a ride?  
  
Hermione- Why, yes actually..  
  
Lee- Well come on in!  
  
Fred- Not so fast! Give us one good reason why we should!  
  
Hermione grins and licks her lips, then pulls a tape out of her shirt and leans over, popping the tape into their car.  
  
It gets all dark-like and a spotlight is shown on Hermione, who, when the music starts, rips off her clothes revealing a leather bikini-thong.  
  
Fred and George- O.O  
  
Lee- :-/... *drool*  
  
Hermione jumps on top of the car-  
  
******Lucky you were born that far away so We could both make fun of distance Lucky that I love a foreign land for The lucky fact of your existence Baby I would climb the Andes solely To count the freckles on your body Never could imagine there were only Ten million ways to love somebody!!!!*******  
  
She runs her finger over her lips doing the "Le le lo le le le" part.  
  
*********Lucky that my lips not only mumble They spill kisses like a fountain Lucky that my breasts are small and humble So you don't confuse them with mountains Lucky I have strong legs like my mother To run for cover when I need it And these two eyes that for no other The day you leave will cry a river!!!!!!*****  
  
She continues to sing when Fred shoves a cork in her mouth and the music skips and stops.  
  
She puts her hands on her hips.  
  
Hermione- :-*  
  
Fred- Okay Fine, you can ride with us.  
  
Hermione, mumbled- Mipee!!!  
  
Lee hops out and throws George in the trunk with Harry and Ron and then gets in the back, patting the seat next to him for Hermione.  
  
Hermione- Hmmm..?  
  
She gets in next to Fred.  
  
Lee- :*-(  
  
They drive off into the sunset, Snape in a multi-colored dream thong climbing over the back of the car.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
PSHAW!!!  
  
Kat-There you go! Love.kinda..adventure, humor. No plot, but hey. Got the 3 L.A's.and..H's. Ahem. Yeah, well the plot will be more.plotty next time. PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!  
  
Lee comes up out of nowhere.  
  
Lee- Um.Kat?  
  
Kat:...  
  
Lee- Ka-at..?  
  
Kat- What, Lee?  
  
Lee- I um, brought you a present to make up for that Filch thing.  
  
Kat- PLEASE! Don't mention that. Besides, I hate you and nothing you bought could ever make up for-  
  
Lee holds up a puppy.  
  
Kat- PUPPY!!!!!!!!!!!! OH, I LOVE YOU LEE! *runs off to snog with him* 


	3. Lee's Depression a short chapie

Dude, Where's My Dad's Car??  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Well, after a long slump, I figured I might as well get used to the fact that I am a sucky writer and will never get all the reviews I want. Pshaw. Alright, well, on with it.  
  
Lee- *sigh*  
  
-.- What is it now, Lee?  
  
Lee- I was just thinking....  
  
What did I tell you bout that? Don't you remember what happened the LAST time you thought?  
  
-flashback-  
  
Lee & Kat walking around NY in matching His/Hers thong bikinis.  
  
-end flashback-  
  
Lee- Um...no? But anyway, I was just think-  
  
ON WITH THE STORY!  
  
Lee- Bu-  
  
WHEN WE LAST LEFT OUR "HEROES"...  
  
Chapter 3, A Four-Minute Egg  
  
The gang drives down a twisting road.  
  
Lee- :-l  
  
Hermione- Oh, what, are you still on about that whole,  
  
*~*~*~"Lee hops out and throws George in the trunk with Harry and Ron and then gets in the back, patting the seat next to him for Hermione.  
  
Hermione- Hmmm..?  
  
She gets in next to Fred."~*~*~  
  
Hermione- thing?  
  
Lee- *sigh* Nah. I guess Fred IS a lot cuter than me.  
  
Fred- Damn straight!  
  
Lee- *sigh* Man, I'm tired, havent we gotten to a hotel yet?  
  
Fred- *blink,blink* What?  
  
Lee- A hotel, you know?  
  
Fred- What, are we on a road trip or something?  
  
Lee- -.- Ummm.Yeah?  
  
Later, in the hotel room-  
  
Fred and Hermione walk into their room, happily.  
  
Fred- Finally! We're here! I can't believe we've made it this far!  
  
Hermione- I know! I'm so happy here!  
  
Both- WITH YOU!  
  
Hug, happily.  
  
Hermione- *coughs slightly*  
  
Audience gasps and tragic music begins to play.  
  
Fred- Oh, god, Hermione? No, your not, your not sick, are you?  
  
Hermione turns away.  
  
Hermione- N-no, it must just be a cough. I'm fine, really.  
  
Fred- No, your looking feverish! *picks her up and tosses her on the bed* Oh, darling, your so cold! Here, get under the covers!  
  
Hermione, weakly- I AM starting to feel a little weak.  
  
Fred- No, honey...I'm going to get you the finest doctor that money can buy!  
  
The finest doctor that money can buy barges in.  
  
Finest Doctor that money can buy- Hello.  
  
Fred- Who are you?  
  
Finest Doctor that money can buy- I am the finest doctor that money can buy.  
  
Fred- How did you know to come?  
  
Finest Doctor that money can buy- I heard the tragic music. *checks on Hermione*  
  
Finest Doctor that money can buy, whispering to Fred- Yes, it looks like she only has 3 minutes left to live.  
  
Fred- What? Oh, dear God. Well, I might as well make her last 3 minutes happy. *walks over to Hermione* Hey, honey! Great news! The doc says your going to be absolutely fine!  
  
Hermione- THAT'S a relief.  
  
Fred- Yes. So, dear, are you hungry? Do you want something to eat?  
  
Hermione- Why, yes. I am kind of hungry.  
  
Fred- What will you have?  
  
Hermione- Hmmmm.I think I'll have a four-minute egg.  
  
Fred- O.O  
  
In Lee's room-  
  
Lee- Bored. Lonely. Fat. Well, bored and lonely.yeah. Bored. Lonely. Disgruntled. Angsty.  
  
Knock,knock.  
  
Lee drags himself across the room and opens the door to find Kat, the author, standing there.  
  
Kat- Alright, whats up with you, Lee? Your not acting like yourself.  
  
Lee-I'm just not feeling right.  
  
Kat- *grips his shoulder* Is it that time of the month again?  
  
Lee- *sighs* No, I already had it this month.  
  
Kat- Oh. Well, what is it, then?  
  
Lee- Well, to be perfectly honest, its you....  
  
Kat- Me? What did I do?  
  
Lee- Well, you don't treat me like you used to. I'm feeling de-valued here!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Updated Later, Wanted to get this much on. BYE! 


End file.
